Let’s assume for a moment that global warming is happening on some scale, man-made or otherwise.
**FOR IMMEDIATE FICTITIOUS RELEASE** February 15, 2008
Global warming today has been credited with making the Midwest "cool". Now that the Western half of the U.S. and the Northeast are plagued with the inability to reliably produce electricity and severe drought…places like Iowa have become highly desirable. An unnamed Iowa legislator said under the condition of anonymity that, "It’s about time that global calamity worked in our favor. I’m not sure if global warming is real or not…but for now, I’m loving it."
It’s been almost a year now since Google (GOOG) announced that it was building a data center in Council Bluffs, Iowa. Now we find that Microsoft (MSFT) is getting close to deciding on an Iowa location for a similar data center operation. Local and state governing bodies are scrambling to put together incentive packages that sweeten the deal. It seems that Iowa has become cool. Or more accurately, Iowa is hot.
Iowa’s Paris Hilton "hot" stems from its abundant water and ability to produce massive amounts of electricity. "Look, we know that the public thinks that we’re bending over for Microsoft, and we are," said a confidential city source. "But look, we have rain, snow, and land free of aging hippies so we can build more electrical plants. Those few key elements put us in a great position to get on the news…and that’s what we need to do. Hi mom."
So it seems that for now, Global Warming has turned Iowa into the technology and biofuel capital of the world. For these humble Midwesterners, used to news coverage only every 4 years, time are a changin’. Now everyone seems to want a little piece of their globally warmed pie.