Mother Nature Sued: God Named Co-Defendant

Smog
As I read the headline "Quake Lifts Solomons Island Out of the Sea", I was reminded of the incomprehensible power of the earth to create new…and destroy old.  In an instant, a 20 mile x 5 mile coral reef was lifted up 10 feet exposing it and obviously destroying all of the life on it.  Now it remains a rotting heap of rock and sea death. (Conspiracy theorists have already pointed to the magic George Bush Tsunami generator project headed by the NSA and Haliburton from their Dubai offices)

After I get over the shock and awe of what happened, I inevitably begin thinking about Al Gore, Global Warming, and Mother Nature.  I’m sorry, I just can’t help it.  You think I like that this happens???

This is not a political blog nor will it ever be…but here’s a few points that I’d like to throw up to the defense attorneys when Mother Nature (aka "The Weather aka "Old Man Winter") and God (aka "The Maker" aka "Dear God" aka "Oh My God" aka "Big Daddy") finally take the stand.

  1. I’m not a scientist and don’t have access to the data, but I’m unguardedly certain that there are hundreds of countries, including the world’s most voracious producers of goods that belch out more billions of tons of filth and pollutants that we here in the US could produce if we wanted to (China, India). Let’s shift the focus onto them OK.  I drive a Honda man…and I use those ridiculous fluorescent bulbs that look like corkscrews.  Heck I even compost.  Am I cool?
  2. When a natural event like a volcanic eruption spews more CO2 and methane into the atmosphere that we can ever create here on earth over a few week period…ummmm…."Can I get some carbon offsets here!"  Pass a resolution that makes volcanoes illegal.  Did I mention the methane produced by cows?  We must immediately ban all forms of meat because those suckers provide enough gases via their own ozone holes to melt a glacier.  I’ll just have a salad please.
  3. When it’s 14.5 degrees when I wake up to a beautiful Des Moines April morn’ and there’s snow on the cherry blossoms in DC, warming is a tough sell.  I realize that global warming is actually the cause of both warming and cooling and that no matter how cold it may be…that it’s actually warming that is the sole culprit)
  4. If the weather turns certain areas into less desirable places to live and others into more desirable places to live, and this transition happens over time( as it has throughout history) is that bad?  No one wants folks to suffer pain and suffering.  But since it seems that much of what we call "recreation" now was caused by receded glaciers ripping canyons into otherwise cruddy areas, I’m gonna go with it.  "There are new lakes forming daily from glacial melt" and I can’t help but think that some enterprising folks with poor lives up til now are thinking "Lake front developments – cheap – inquire at shanty camp #2". 
  5. When I was a kid growing up in Southern CA in the San Gabriel Valley (east of LA by about 45 miles), 2nd stage smog alerts occurred often during the summer.  That means "Don’t go outside unless it’s absolutely necessary"  As kids we used to rid bikes everywhere and all summer long, our lungs would BURN and deep breaths were impossible.  This hasn’t happened in SoCal for a long long time.  In fact the last stage 3 smog alert was in 1974.  (Ah ha! Governor Ronald Reagan single handedly stopped smog) See we all figured out that new cars put out a puff of bad emissions compared to a 70’s belcher.  When those were gone, the junk in the air subsided greatly.  Sure there’s a haze of YUCK over the valley’s in SoCal.  But it has been that way for as long as we’ve had reporters in the field (aka "Indians").  They called it "Valley of the Smoke" because the heat traps in the moisture and dust from the windy conditions blah blah blah. 

Now I realize that everything I’ve just said circles back to my lack of education and understanding.  I do what I can to make the earth a sustainable place but I realize that’s not enough.  I need to freak out, preach about our impending doom, and ride my bike more.  But what’s my next step?

I’m really not sure.  If we’ve caused all of this and can’t really do much about it, and it has nothing to do with the cyclical nature of our earth, then I guess I need a bit more indoctrination. 

Is the true goal of the Global Warming crowd to fund a fixing of the problem?  If so, we’d need to literally take everyone’s money and stop the economy from producing so much goop.  Don’t forget to shut down the coal fired plants and don’t drive anywhere, then send all of that money you made at your home job that doesn’t use electricity or paper or water or anything organic to the government to fund research.  We have a 10 year window according to Gore right before calamity brings the beach front to Nevada and Arkansas?

As we approach an era of hydrogen power (have you seen the 12 cylinder BMW hydrogen car?  Wow.), wind power, ethanol, biodiesel, and (shhhhh…nuclear power), I’m encouraged by our progress as humans and will not simply accept the role of global whipping boy for whatever problems seem to exist out there.  You see, this country and its people are a shining example of what ingenuity and the spirit of innovation breeds.  We’re blamed for everything and expected to pay for everything that happens around the globe (protection, wars, humanitarian missions, environmental disasters, financial aide, natural disasters, and more).  We also do it here at home (however inefficiently) when things run amuck. 

If we are the world’s bad guys and we’re the root of much of the world’s evil, perhaps the globe would do well to boycott us and all that we are.  Then, after the rest of the world’s collapse due to lack of food, no pesticides from our research to prevent blight and plague, and the free reign of dictatorial regimes that enslave millions, we’ll move in and ruin those new places too.  (By ruin I mean make prosperous and provide all citizens with their best darn shot at living out their God given rights to a great life).

Personally, I think I’ll homestead a piece of land in Bordeaux when it becomes available and replant with some California grapes. (Wait, haven’t we done that already?)

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